


What Matters

by Sapphic Nerd (bdubs1102)



Category: Amar a Muerta, Juliantina - Fandom
Genre: Amar a Muerta - Freeform, F/F, Feelings/Confessions, Juliantina, One Shot, Sort of AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 02:55:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18460013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bdubs1102/pseuds/Sapphic%20Nerd
Summary: Juliana and Valentina are actresses on the same tv show where they play a couple on-screen. What happens when one develops REAL feelings for the other off-screen?





	What Matters

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been toying with an idea of two female actresses working on a F/F tv show or movie and falling in love behind the scenes. When they are flirting, touching, kissing, etc on screen everyone compliments them on how authentic it seems, but they’re not telling anyone it really is authentic and they’re falling for each other. 
> 
> This was a short one-shot to that point based on our lovely #Juliantina ladies. Backstory: they act like a couple behind closed doors to help with authenticity of their characters. 
> 
> It’s not exactly what I originally planned... maybe I’ll revisit and rework it later. Let me know what you think!

“Enough!” 

Juliana jerked her hand away from the tantalizing long fingers toying with her own. 

“You have to… _we_ have to stop, Val.” Her voice cracked as she pushed herself off of the hotel bed and walked toward the window where Valentina’s shocked expression couldn’t cloud her thoughts. The flash of hurt she caught before pulling away was almost enough to stop her in her tracks. Almost. 

She rubbed at her face pulled on her bottom lip. Truth time. “I can’t keep doing this.”

“Juls, relax.” Valentina’s voice sounded closer than she expected. Her warm hand settled on Juliana’s shoulder and a thumb pressed into the nerve just below her neck where the muscle always tensed when she was stressed. How did Valentina know exactly where to push?

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. That was not my intention.” She removed her hand as if she just remembered Juliana’s freak-out over them touching. “It’s not real, you know?” 

Juliana glanced back over her shoulder to where Valentina had resumed her cross-legged position on the bed. Where she had been playing with Juliana’s fingers before, she now picked at invisible lint on the comforter, averting her eyes. Even in such an unthreatening position, she somehow pulled at Juliana as if she possessed a magnet paired perfectly with her heart. Juliana wanted to reach for her again. Wanted to rub her thumbs over Valentina’s furrowed eyebrows and smooth the lines across her forehead away. Instead, she crossed her arms to keep them from acting on their own without permission. 

“Exactly.” She emphasized. “It’s not real. We’re not together. It’s just a TV show. None of this-”she waved her hand between the two of them “-matters…” She trailed off. Gulp. Tell her. 

She squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself to grind out the last part. The most important part for Valentina to hear. To tell her the whole truth, at last. 

“…to you.” The last words were whispered, but carried across the empty room as if she’d shouted them through a megaphone. They were out now. Part of the atmosphere. She couldn’t take them back, even if she wanted to. But, did she want to? 

No. She bit her lip. This torture inside was threatening to drive her mad. It had to be released. For better or worse, this was her moment of truth. She turned toward the window and hoped not seeing Valentina would help her find the courage she needed to hey through this. 

“Your heart doesn’t skip a beat when I walk into the room,” she whispered. “Butterflies don’t go crazy in your stomach when you see me smile.” The silence behind her was deafening, but now that she’d started, the words wouldn’t stop. 

“When I whisper in your ear, it doesn’t send shivers down your spine.” Her voice gained strength and she smiled despite the ache she felt inside with each admission. 

“You don’t cringe when the director yells ‘Cut!’ on a kissing scene or pray he’ll ask for another take of us flirting in the pool.” Oh, what she would give for more of those moments. 

“You don’t feel like my hand fits perfectly into yours like the puzzle piece you never knew you were missing.” She wrung her hands together, trying to feel what she did when she held Valentina’s. But it wasn’t the same. Nothing compared. She dropped her hands to her side and hung her head. 

“To you, it’s just a job.” Her shoulders rolled forward, trying to protect against the pain throbbing in her chest. These words _hurt_. “This is just a role you’re playing in a tele-nova you’re too talented to be on. Pretending to be attracted to me. Pretending you can’t keep your hands off of me. Pretending to enjoy it when we touch… when we kiss.” She tilted her head back and stared at the ceiling, searching for answers that weren’t there. “When we’re done filming, you’ll move on to another project. Bigger and better than all of this. And I’ll… who knows where I’ll end up? But, it won’t be wherever you are because this isn’t real… for **you**.”

She wiped absently at a tear tracking a crooked path down her cheek.“I stopped acting a long time ago, Val.” Her voice dropped down to a whisper again, crumbling over her final words. “The only thing I’m pretending now is that I haven’t fallen completely in love with you.”

A gasp behind her gave the only indication that Valentina was still there. Still listening to her pour her heart out. Staring into the pitch black night, she searched the sky for a star to wish on, but found nothing but inky black clouds floating past a pale moon. So much for that. Wishing was for suckers. No amount of wishing would get her out of the mess she found herself in with the beautiful woman behind her. 

“Juls, I-I” Valentina stuttered to a stop. 

What could she say, anyway? I’m sorry I don’t feel the same way? Thanks for telling me? Or worse, I hope we can still be friends? Juliana cringed. Ugh. Anything but that, please. 

“You don’t have to say anything.” She jumped to Valentina’s rescue. “It’s cool if you want to leave. I just needed you to know.” The grip she had on her own crossed arms pinched. Kept her grounded in this moment when she wanted nothing more than to fade away into oblivion. What would happen if she quit the show this late in the season? Could she claim illness and be excused? Would a doctor write a note for a broken heart?

“Come here.” Val’s voice spoke up behind her again.

She shook her head. The pity she would find on Valentina’s face would be the straw that broke her. No, it was best to let her go and not watch her leave. 

“Juliana.” She wasn’t leaving. Why wasn’t she leaving? “Please move away from the window.”

What? Did she think she was gonna jump? Weren’t all hotel windows screwed shut to avoid that kind of thing? In any case, she was sad. Not suicidal. 

“I’m fine, Val.” The sniff that escaped her made that sound like a lie. Damn those traitorous tear ducts. Couldn’t they hold it together for five more minutes?

“Juliana,” Valentina repeated. “I do not want what I’m about to do to end up in tomorrow’s tabloids because some over-zealous paparazzo is down there where we can’t see him. Now, get over here.”

Juliana peered down to the street and cocked her head to the side. Hmm. She might be onto something. She tugged the blackout curtains closed. Better safe than sorry.

Still, she rolled her eyes as she turned around and made her way back toward the bed. She placed her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrows. 

“If you’re gonna slap me, you kind of lost your shock value.”

Valentina frowned. In one swift movement, she was on her feet, mere inches separating them. Those long limbs should be more awkward than they were. She somehow made every movement appear effortless and graceful. 

Juliana couldn’t hold back an involuntary flinch as Valentina’s hand lifted toward her face. 

Valentina’s frown deepened as she grasped Juliana’s chin and tilted it up, ducking her head to meet Juliana’s eyes. “Mírame.” _look at me_

Not that she had much choice. Juliana took a deep breath, then met the shining blue eyes she often saw in her dreams. As usual, she forgot how to breathe. 

“First, I would never strike you. Surely, you know that?” Sincerity rang clear in her tone. 

She did, but… yeah, okay. She knew that. It was hard to form coherent thoughts, much less actual words standing this close to Valentina. Her system tended to short-circuit when they were face-to-face like this. She shrugged. 

That must have been sufficient because Val placed her other hand on Juliana’s cheek, then continued. “Second, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

But…? She sucked in a breath, held it, and prepared herself for the inevitable but. 

Valentina gave a soft tug to pull their foreheads together and closed her eyes. 

Juliana reveled in the intimacy of the gesture. This is how they communicated without words. This is how they connected on a soul-deep level and where they always met in the middle. It was like someone pulled a plug and her whole body deflated, releasing all of the anxiety and tension she’d been carrying since this conversation began. Valentina hadn’t run away screaming. That was a good sign, right?

“And perhaps the most oblivious.” And? And was not but. Where was the but?Wait. Oblivious?

Val’s thumb stroking her cheek was very distracting and she was supposed to be focusing. This was important. What were they talking about again?

“You joined the show exactly 165 days ago and not a single one of those days went by that I did not notice every little thing about you.” Valentina’s soft voice drifted across her skin like a light caress. She spoke with a gentle patience, unhurried, like this moment was meant just for them and speaking too loud or too fast might break it. 

Juliana quickly did the math- almost six months? Val had been counting how long they’d worked together? Why? She searched Valentina’s face for answers, but found none forthcoming. 

Val’s eyes were still closed but a smile creeped onto her features and Juliana couldn’t help mirroring it, even though her mind was reeling. What were they doing? What was Valentina trying to tell her? What did all of this mean?

“You brush your hair behind your ear constantly, even though it always finds a way to come free again.” Did she? Huh. Was that annoying?

“You break eye contact and lock your jaw when your angry or annoyed.” Ooh true. She also ground her teeth but was trying to break that habit because it caused headaches. 

“You dance when your favorite song comes on, no matter what you were doing previously.” Her face burned. That’s embarrassing. 

“You put your fingers in your mouth like you used to have a habit of biting your nails, but now you just kind of clamp down on them when you’re thinking or feeling nervous.” She would love that option at the moment, but Valentina was still holding her face and keeping their foreheads together. She clenched her fists around the hem of her shirt. Nervous didn’t begin to express how she felt right then. 

“You smile all the way to your eyes when you’re really happy.” Valentina’s face lit up and she released a happy sigh. Then, she pulled back and locked onto Juliana with a snarky glare. 

“Your eyebrows are lethal, especially when raised individually.” A surprised laugh escaped Juliana as Val hit her with a lifted eyebrow of her own. Damn, it was hot when she did that. 

“And you’ve completely ruined vanilla for me!” Val swung her arms and huffed as if this was the worst offense. She’d have to remember to thank her mom later for the body lotion she found in her stocking this past Christmas. “I’ll never not think of you when I smell it now. Thanks for that.”

Juliana grinned at Val’s amusing antics. Sorry, not sorry?

Valentina reached forward and tugged Juliana’s arms away from her body. “You cross your arms when you’re uncomfortable and fold in on yourself like you wish you could disappear.” Her expression and voice both softened again. She trailed her long fingers down Juliana’s arms and laced their fingers together. 

“But it never works.” Valentina pulled their joined hands up and tucked them beneath her chin, meeting Juliana’s eyes. “I always see you.” Juliana allowed Val to bring their hands to her lips and lay a gentle kiss on her knuckles. She prayed Valentina didn’t notice the shudder that rushed over her body. 

“I always notice you.” Val kissed the knuckles on her other hand. If Juliana died now, she would go with a smile on her face. 

“I always want to touch you.” Juliana suppressed a whimper as Val tucked the aforementioned errant hair behind her ear, then trailed soft fingertips along her jaw. 

“And God,” Val’s smoldering blue eyes met hers, then trailed down to where Juliana knew her mouth was hanging open in shock. This was a dream, right? She was going to wake up any minute and be angry that none of this was real.

“I always want to kiss you.”

Juliana snapped her jaw shut with an audible click followed by a gulp. When did it get so hot in there? 

“Uhh” It came out as a squeak. 

She cleared her throat and tried again. “Why uhh… why haven’t you? You know, other than on set.”

Val was still staring at Juliana’s mouth and it made her squirm as things clenched low in her gut. She thought she would never see Val again after she confessed her true feelings. Now, they were standing in a hotel room talking about off-set kissing? What parallel universe did she wake up in today? And, how did she get a free pass to stay here?

“I’m afraid if I do, I won’t be able to stop.” Juliana resisted the urge to nibble on the thumb Valentina dragged across her bottom lip. 

“There’s no one here to yell, ‘Cut!’ and bring me back to reality.” Valentina admitted with a shrug and met her eyes. “It would be so easy to get lost in you.”

“Would that be such a bad thing?” The vulnerability in Val’s eyes screamed ‘yes’, but she had to ask. What if this was it for them? Their only chance to get this right? She understood what Val meant. She would give up anything- her budding career, her fame, whatever it took- to be with Valentina for real. It sounded like Val felt the same way. Could they get lost in each other and forget to come back out on the other side? Would it be worth it?

“I don’t know, yet.” Val bit her bottom lip like she often did when she was uncertain. Her eyes flitted back and forth between Juliana’s as if searching for the correct answer. 

Somehow, that gave Juliana the confidence she needed. She pulled Val’s hand from her face and grabbed the other, as well. She tugged on them both as she stepped closer into Val’s space and placed Val’s hands behind her own back.“I think we should find out,” she whispered before she connected their lips.

She tried to keep the kiss soft and sweet, but when Val tilted her head and poked her tongue out to tease Juliana’s top lip, all bets were off. She pushed Val against the nearest wall and kissed her like she’d been dreaming about. To her credit, Val didn’t miss a beat, meeting her halfway with equal fervor. Lips and tongues pushed and pulled, sliding together like they were made for each other. 

When they came up for air a few minutes later, Val’s hands were tangled in Juliana’s hair and Juliana had one hand up Valentina’s shirt. 

“Te quiero mucho,” Val whispered. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

“Yo también te quiero,” Juls replied. “More than you will ever know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I’m considering adding a chapter of what happens next (all the smut) for anyone interested. Let me know if you’d like me to pick up where this left off! :)


End file.
